Walk Alone
by cruxis-wings
Summary: He walks, eyes empty, heart hollow. A darkened street and a broken soul. Being the Chosen isn’t so easy, is it? Everyone breaks sometimes... Lloyd/Zelos.


Disclaimer: I do not own ToS. Don't own Zelos, don't own Lloyd. I don't own Green Day, or their wonderful song Boulevard of Broken Dreams. All I own is my poor excuse of an imagination and this fic. Yep.

AN: I love trying to explore the darker, broken aspects of Zelos. I know, I'm a freak. Leave me alone.

Timeline. Well anytime after Zelos _"betrays"_ Lloyd, I guess. And I'm going by the Zelos game storyline, of course. So yeah. SPOILERS and all that junk.

* * *

**Walk Alone**

_~~I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone..._

A young man walked silently along a darkened Meltokio street, his face cast in shadow. The quiet night surrounding him, the moonlight hidden behind thick, dark clouds. He walked alone.

Zelos Wilder, --the Chosen of Tethe'alla-- cast his gaze upon the dirty cobblestone street, his facial expression blank. The night air cool, a soft breeze gently whispering, caressing his long, crimson hair.

He slowly walked, his focus cast upon the ground, his aqua-blue eyes empty. His heart painfully empty. Another sleepless night, memories and thoughts playing through his restless mind.

So he walked.

Sleep long since abandoned, he had quietly left the large mansion in the _Noble's Quarter_ of the sleeping city. Left his slumbering _friends_, all safe and sound in their beds. Taken to the streets, in hope for a small amount of solace, a few moments of peace in the dark night.

Empty streets and an empty soul.

_~~I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone..._

Broken dreams and a dying, aching heart. An empty chasm. Growing colder, increasingly numb as each day passed. Each night spent lying awake, tossing, turning. The few restless hours actually spent in slumber plagued with blood-red memories and voices from the past.

_--"...you should never have been born..."--_

Give him the darkness of the night. At least in the lonely darkness he didn't have to smile, didn't have to play any parts. Put on the performance of a marionette, wooden limbs attached to strings. Dancing a fool's dance, painted, wooden face frozen in false joviality. A fake smile painted on an empty, hollow doll. No... There was none of that within the darkness.

The quiet night filled with only shadows and darkness. Empty. Lonely.

The Chosen could relate with the night.

_~~I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._

Walking alone through the sleeping city, Zelos could drop the smiles and humor. So late that the citizens now slept, tucked warmly in their beds no doubt. No one could see the real Zelos Wilder in the darkness, they slept on instead. No one to see, to question, to gaze at the fading light in the young man's eyes.

Yet the dark city streets of Meltokio brought the Chosen no real comfort. Too many memories resided within the enclosed walls. Haunting specters from the past, evanescent memories of forgotten smiles and lost innocence.

Still, he walked on.

Veneer cracking, mask slipping. The calm night concealing it all.

It was best that way, right? To walk alone?

Who would want Zelos Wilder, the person? Better to be 'the Chosen.' The façade, the grinning fool. _Dance marionette. Dance the part of the Chosen..._

Underneath the painted, smiling mask, he could stay safe. Safe from ever having to feel again. _It's better this way. To be alone, right?_

_~~My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone..._

It had always been that way, as long as the redhead could remember. Being alone. His mother gazing at him with disdain, the church shunning him. His sister despising him. He had always been alone, hadn't he?

Even now. As he traveled with the tenacious Lloyd Irving and his group of merry followers. Zelos wasn't really a member of the _clique_, the little group. He merely played the part, the grinning fool. The one to ignore. The... The traitor.

It had been foolish. Foolish to think he could run away from his past, from his life as the Chosen. Finally free from the numbing hole in his heart. _..I'm such a fool..._

Tempted by the devil, the devil disguised as a blonde, shining angel.

In the end, he couldn't do it. As hollow as Zelos had become, as empty... He couldn't betray Lloyd. He really didn't give a damn about the worlds. It was Lloyd. That snowy night in Flanoir.

The Chosen had gone against his every instinct. He had woken the younger boy, actually told him. Confided with the boy about the red snow. That bloodstained snow...

His mother's dying words...

_--"...you should never have been born..."--_

In that moment, talking to the younger swordsman amongst the falling snow, Zelos had realized he couldn't betray the naïve brunette.

There had been a spark of feeling in his cold heart, something the Chosen couldn't place. Couldn't comprehend. He just knew with certainty he couldn't go through with Mithos Yggdrasil's plans.

So, in the end? He was double the traitor, he supposed. Not only had he betrayed Lloyd, he had betrayed the blonde seraphim as well.

Regardless, Lloyd and his band of do-gooders had accepted him back. Lloyd spouting nonsense about still trusting him.

Trust?

How could he trust Zelos Wilder? Didn't he realize?

The real Zelos Wilder?

An empty street. Vacant. Cold, dirty cobblestone, worn and broken. _This street... Is just like me..._ the young Chosen noted, his eyes holding no expression, his pink lips set in a soft frown.

_~~I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line of the edge  
And where I walk alone..._

Really, it was a shame. In a way, he had hoped that he could finally slip away into the darkness. Fall away, let Lloyd slay him. Send him to hell, where he belonged. That's how it would have played out, Zelos was sure of that. Forced to fight, Lloyd would have done the right thing. Kill the Chosen.

A sweet release.

Sometimes, Zelos wondered why he couldn't just end it; take his life into his own hands for once. It wouldn't be so bad. It wouldn't be so bad to die. _I'm such a coward... I'm too weak to kill myself... So I..._ That's what he had really wanted when agreeing to Mithos Yggdrasil's plans, wasn't it? Deep down? That was the true reason behind his treachery. A never-ending yearning for his own demise.

But he had promised. Promised Lloyd he'd try the "not running away" thing. Somehow, he figured slitting his wrists would go against Lloyd's _code_. And as much as Zelos hated to admit it, that bothered him. _Really_ bothered him.

When had he grown to care what the Sylvarant bumpkin thought? Odd. With a small shrug, the lithe redhead shrugged the thought off, casting a glance at the dark, murky sky. The calm wind picked up a bit, blowing strands of silky hair into his pale, attractive face.

_Looks like a storm's coming,_ he apathetically thought, listening to the faint sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. _...Who cares..._ Cool winds picking up, he continued his walk, lost in thought, paying no mind to where his legs led him.

_~~Read between the lines  
What's fucked up and everything's all right  
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive  
And I walk alone..._

Things hadn't really changed once he re-joined the little 'Save the Worlds' party. He still played the fool. They still rolled their eyes, groaned at his flamboyant antics. Though... Lloyd, sometimes the naïve little guy actually showed a bit of brains.

_--"...Very unlike you to brood... You act like there's nothing wrong, even when there is..."--_

Not often mind you, but every once in awhile, the brunette actually noticed things. Discerned things the others always overlooked. The hollow laugh. The empty smile. However, with a few quick words of reassurance, he could easily convince the younger boy that he was indeed **fine**. Crack a joke. Make-believe.

So Zelos smiled on, played the part. The idiot Chosen. It's all he knew to do anymore. What else was there to be?

Flirt with nameless, meaningless girls, make stupid jokes, laugh, play the part. Pretend. Pretend to be alive.

_~~I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a..._

It was funny. With all the supposed friends he now had, the little group of do-gooders, he still felt so very alone. Nothing had changed. No fuzzy sensations. No feelings of contentment, no surcease to the bitterness, or the hollow, numbing emotions that he couldn't even put a name to.

Still alone. The crimson haired Chosen refused to delude himself into believing it would ever be any different. No happy endings and no melting hearts. He stayed cold. Apathetic. Alone.

_~~My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone..._

A gust of cold air brushed against the Chosen, breaking into his thoughts. Another crack of thunder sounded, louder, the approaching storm making its presence known. The dark night sky looking rather tumultuous, the cool night air turning colder.

Really, he supposed he should get back. After all, he and the others had only decided to stop by Meltokio for the night; surely they would be leaving early. Worlds to save, and all that.

_...I don't want to go back..._ Zelos sighed, glancing around the dark city. He had wandered into one of the many courtyards, it seemed. Ornate wooden benches, bright flowers. Bright and cheerful. How nice. He never had liked flowers that well... His mother had loved flowers.

The Chosen slowly approached a patch of assorted flora, carefully arranged around an elegant wooden sitting bench. Bright, cheerful flowers...

Except one. A once red rose, now bent, stem broken. Dying. Once soft petals now withered. Dull and lifeless in the dark night.

What would it be like to not feel alone?

He sometimes wished. Wondered what it would be like. To not feel so... So empty. To not feel like that broken, dying rose. What would it feel like?

To not be...

"Zelos?" a familiar voice sounded, startling the Chosen from his thoughts. The redhead quickly turned to find none other than Lloyd Irving staring at him questioningly. The teen's typical outfit rumpled from sleep, --as he had been too lazy to bother changing into the nightwear Zelos had left him before retiring for the night, no doubt,-- his hair mussed. _I thought he was asleep. What... Was he following me?_ How... How had the teen found him? And more importantly... Why? "What are you doing out here, bud? Shouldn't you be in bed?" Zelos inquired, quickly planting a smirk on his face.

"I heard you leave. When you didn't come back, I kind of got worried. What are **you** doing out here?" Lloyd replied, shoving a lock of his messy (messier than usual even) brown hair away from his eyes.

"Who, me? I just couldn't sleep. So I thought I'd come out here, maybe meet up with one of my hunnies. You know," he winked, falling easily back into his flamboyant, carefree persona. The idiot Chosen. He placed his arms behind his head, casting his _trademark_ smirk towards the younger boy. _It's disgusting how easy it is to be so obnoxious..._ How he hated it. Zelos hated it so. Yet he smirked on, his mask now firmly in place.

"Will you... Will you stop that? Just for once? Could you stop being such an idiot?" Lloyd responded after a few moments of pause, irritation flashing in his chocolate colored eyes. "Just... Stop."

"Aw... That was cold. Now you've hurt my feelings. You're so mean," Zelos sniffed in reply, rubbing at his eyes melodramatically, his red hair blowing in the cold breeze. _Dance marionette, dance..._

"That's not what I mean and you know it. Why do you always do that? You're **not** an idiot, Zelos," the brunette quickly responded, an agitated breath escaping him. "What are you _really_ doing out here?" the young swordsman went on to inquire, his voice quiet, somber. The teen carefully focused his dark eyes to the Chosen, a troubled expression flickering across his boyish features.

Zelos stared at the brunette, meeting his intense gaze, his fake smile slowly fading. _Damn..._ Once again, the redhead found himself off guard, taken by surprise at Lloyd's rare show of intelligence. Or... Perhaps not so rare, after all. _Damn. There he goes again..._ Seeing through his carefully placed mask... Zelos had to give it to the boy. His perceptive ability to see through the Chosen's smile... Was somewhat... Eerie. _It's like he keeps... Getting better at seeing through my lies..._ That was a terribly disconcerting thought.

The Chosen turned away from those troubled chocolate eyes, once again focusing his murky gaze to the dying rose. Withered browns blending with the dark night... It was much safer not to look into the teen's eyes. So instead, he carefully examined the faded, wilting petals, the bent stem... _I hate flowers._ "...I just couldn't sleep. Nothing to get all worked up over. I'm okay," Zelos quietly remarked, and the breeze picked up, cold air brushing against him. _Nothing to worry about, Lloyd. Everything's fine. It's always fine. Everything's __**just**__ fine,_ he bitterly thought, his blue gaze locked intently on the lifeless rose. _...Fine..._

"Yeah? Well you don't look so great," Lloyd replied, his voice tense, his focus not moving from the Chosen facing away from him. "...I worry about you sometimes, you know," the brunette hesitantly confessed, a frown on his lips. "...I don't think you're 'okay' at all," he added after a short pause, his troubled words carrying into the wind, drifting, echoing within the darkness of the night.

_...Worried?_ Why would he be worried? Why would he care? It... It simply made no sense. None whatsoever. "...Yeah?" was all the redhead said in response, his eyes fixed upon brown, crumpled petals.

"Yeah." Lloyd stepped closer to the Chosen, standing directly beside the taller young man. Neither seemed able to think of any words to be spoken, so the two simply stood in silence, the chill wind gusting against them.

A drop of rain fell, landing on Zelos' arm. Cold. Bitterly cold.

_~~I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a..._

"Looks like it's starting to rain. Guess we better get back to your place huh?" Lloyd finally broke the silence, wiping raindrops from his face.

"...Hm..." Zelos halfheartedly sounded, turning away from the broken, dying flower. _My 'place.' That ugly, empty crypt?_ Laughable. That crypt his 'place,' his home? _...My place..._

All that crypt of a home offered was long, endless corridors, room after room filled with memories, phantoms from the past. Painful images, painful sensations... Pain... Personally, Zelos preferred the cold, numbing night air, the icy drops of rain splashing upon him.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Rain falling faster, faster...

_--"...you should never have been born..."--_

_I... I don't want to go back..._ At the moment he... Standing, allowing that cold rain to caress his just as cold soul... He could just stay in the rain forever. Wet, cold. Sliding down his face, matting his silky hair...

Zelos never wanted to go back.

He instead sat down on a nearby bench, running a finger along the dampening wood-grain. Rain now falling faster, harder. A flash of lightning. A crack of thunder. _I... Right now... I like it here just fine._ Cold, wet... Somehow, that bleak night scene was perfect to the Chosen's empty eyes. _Cold and desolate... I can relate. Hah._

What would it feel like to not be alone? To not feel so cold and empty? To feel wanted? What would it feel like to **not** be Zelos Wilder? _To not be me..._ Such a bitter sensation. A longing to be something other than Zelos Wilder. Zelos Wilder. He... He despised the very sound of his own name.

"Zelos?"

_Lloyd..._ He looked up at the brunette standing before him, taking in the odd expression flickering across the boy's rain-streaked face. Was that... Concern? Really? Why? It truly made no sense. In his experience, no one _really_ cared. No one ever cared before. So why now? Why would Lloyd care?

Why... Why did the boy have to care? It would make everything so much easier if.... If Lloyd didn't care. Just like everyone else. His Mother. Father. Sister. The worlds. Why did Lloyd have to be so... So fucking different?

The rain-soaked Chosen tried to smile, smirk. Smirk at the boy. Make the concern in his eyes go away. Zelos didn't like that look. Lloyd should be smiling. Or rolling his eyes. Or looking annoyed. Anything but that look full of concern. _Don't... Don't look at me like that... Stop..._ He... He couldn't stand that look. That upset, troubled look playing across the teen's handsome features... It was wrong.

_Smirk. Smile. Dance marionette..._

Zelos couldn't. He just couldn't. As the rain poured, drops clinging to his drooping hair, he couldn't force the smile.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Why did he have to feel so cold inside?

Why did he have to be...

Lloyd sat down next to the soaked Chosen, placing a wet hand on his shoulder. "Zelos? Zelos, you can talk to me. You know that, right? Zelos?" Concern in his voice. Eyes full of worry. Why did he have to be so different?

_~~My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating..._

_No. No. No._ He didn't want to feel. Didn't want to speak. It hurt. It hurt to feel. It hurt to want to be something. Something other than Zelos Wilder. Other than the traitor. The fool. The marionette. The empty doll.

"Zelos?" the teen beside him tried once more, the concern in his voice even more apparent. Concern...

_...Stop..._The redhead took in a shuddering breath, hesitantly allowing his gaze to be drawn into the warm eyes of Lloyd Irving. Deep, compassionate eyes.

Staring deeply into those eyes, why did Zelos feel so hopeless?

Why did he feel so cold?

Shaking. Zelos could feel his body lightly trembling against the cold rain, the increasingly chill air. _Stop it. Stop it,_ he thought, his hands clenching into fists, his sharp fingernails biting into his palms.

Alone.

What... What if he didn't want to be alone?

What if he didn't want to be empty? Broken?

Why... Exactly why did he have to be the Idiot Chosen, anyway?

"I'm... I'm empty. I'm empty, Lloyd," he suddenly whispered, his words cold and flat, emotionless... Like a doll. A lifeless being. Just like one of those damned dolls of Mithos Yggdrasil's. _...I'm... Empty..._ What had made him say it? He wasn't sure. Wasn't sure at all. All Zelos knew was that as the words were spoken, his voice sounded so very hollow. Even to his own ears, he had sounded like a lifeless doll. He felt cold. God, he felt so cold.

With that, as if his body moved on its own accord, Zelos fell against the brunette sitting next to him, resting against the boy. _What... Am I doing?_ He really hadn't meant to do such a thing. Really. "...I'm empty... " he hollowly repeated, burying his face in the soft fabric of Lloyd's shirt. Pressing his face into the wet teen's shoulder, grasping at the rain-sodden fabric, he took in a shallow, shaky breath. _What the hell is wrong with me..._ the faraway thought flittered through his increasingly fogged mind, yet Zelos couldn't quite find the energy to truly care. It was cold. Numbingly cold.

"...Zelos," was Lloyd's quiet response to the young man's words, his actions, and the teen moved to awkwardly embrace the wet, broken Chosen, a blush forming on his cheeks.

_~~Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone..._

He clung to the brunette. Clung, wishing away the cold. The empty, dark void lurking within himself. Wished to be anything. Anything other than the Idiot Chosen. Wished that the pain would stop. That his heart would stop beating. Anything. Anything to make it stop. _I don't want to go back... I don't want to be me anymore... Can I... Can I just..._ Wouldn't it be nice if he could simply fade away, slip into that cold rain, that dark night? Drift away, as if into slumber... Only never to awaken. _That... Would be nice..._

The two sat in the rain; clothes soaked, sat and listened to the thunder crash. Watched the lightning flicker. They sat, Zelos clinging to the younger swordsman, pretending that the water drops running down his cheeks were merely raindrops. Pretending that he didn't feel alone. Pretending that he didn't feel cold. So damnably cold.

His face pressed into Lloyd's shoulder, his hands clinging to his rumpled shirt, he closed his eyes, listening to another sharp crack of thunder.

Odd... Odd that the teen seemed content to sit in the rain, his arms wrapped securely around the Chosen. _He hates when I hug him... Doesn't he? Now he's hugging me instead... Weird,_ Zelos vaguely thought, his mind somehow muddled, faraway. _Lloyd..._ At least... Pressed against Lloyd, at least he felt...

What?

_...He's warm..._ Another vague notion. Warmth? Yes... Somehow, despite the teen's cool, rain-soaked clothes, his chilled skin, he... Somehow, Zelos, he... He could somehow sense warmth. An inexplicable warmth amongst that cold, numbing rain.

What was it? The redhead honestly wasn't sure. Yet as the rain continued to fall on the two, he welcomed the feeling. It... It wasn't such an unpleasant sensation. Those arms wrapped around his thin body, that... That...

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The rain continued its steady descent from the tumultuous sky, the night air growing cooler, cooler... A flash of lightning, a crack of thunder.

Zelos pressed his forehead into Lloyd's toned shoulder just a bit more firmly, closing his eyelids tighter. _...Lloyd..._ Why? Why was the teen so different? _Only you would... Sit here like this... With a hollow... Monster..._

_--"...you should never have been born..."--_

_Funny... I never asked to be born..._

"Zelos... You aren't empty," Lloyd's quiet voice drifted over the Tethe'allan Chosen, and Zelos vaguely noted that the teen's embrace had tightened. He could think of no reply to the boy's words. Not empty? Strange... Then why did he feel so terribly hollow? _Then again... It... How can it hurt? It's..._ Such a painful, lonely emptiness. It didn't really make sense... Yet did anything about Zelos Wilder make sense?

_Not empty..._ Though he truly didn't believe those words, somehow... The fact that Lloyd had uttered them... Somehow added to that strange warm sensation. A sliver of warmth amongst the cold rain pressing against him. _...Only you, Lloyd..._

He still ached, still felt unimaginably hollow, yet...

"You're not alone, either," the teen softly remarked, seeming to sense the young man's bitter loneliness. "You got that? You're not alone," he repeated, and again, Zelos noted the boy's hold on him tighten.

_...Not alone..._

"I'm not?" He forced the question from his lips, yet could not compel even a trace of emotion into his soft, utterly hollow voice. _...Not alone..._

"Nah. You're not. You've got me, right?" came the teen's response, his words firm and decisive, almost as if the swordsman had come to a sudden realization. Or perhaps a decision. What decision that may be, Zelos didn't know, but... He...

_I have..._ Lloyd Irving. Such a weird guy. A downright bumpkin. This thought... What was the feeling flittering through his weary, rain-numbed body? His cold, empty soul?

A bit...

A bit of solace, perhaps.

_~~My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
Till then I walk alone... _

A bit of solace and warmth in the cold, empty night. _...Damn... Loveable bumpkin..._ With this thought, Zelos let out a soft sigh, and he moved to gently wrap his arms around the teen, his forehead pressed against him. "...Okay, Lloyd... Okay..."

"Don't ever forget it."

"...I won't."

_Another promise... I'll make... Just for you..._ Never forget, huh? _Don't ever forget it..._ Again... A sliver of warmth washed over the Chosen's chilled senses, a soft, soothing sensation.

With nothing left to say, the two drifted back into silence, silence broken only by the rain, thunder, and wind.

_Not alone, huh? I... I guess this is what is feels like..._ Was that what it felt like? To not be alone? Zelos wasn't sure, but he... He readily welcomed the faint hint of solace and warmth in the otherwise cold, empty night.

**Owari~**


End file.
